Never quite satisfied


Before I ramble pointlessly, this is Leslie Beukelman, she sings like an angel. I wish my night would have been a bit slower and I could have taken an extra hour to just listen. Such is life.

I want my motto to be, “Always happy, never satisfied.” In truth it’s probably “Never happy, never satisfied.” That’s not to say I’m not happy. I, as a general overall human being, am pretty damn happy.

I’m never happy with my photography. There are a few photos a year I like, 3-7 usually. They still have problems, but they’re alright. Otherwise, I’m pretty much just unhappy with my general performance in photography. I enjoy photography, tremendously, I just think I should do better.

Someday, one day, I won’t feel like a hack. That day, is not today.

With these two photos (Tangent time – well my life may be back to being “more real” this is really quite relative. Tonight was photographing Leslie, because, well, I could, and I ccould call it work. Again, reality is a relative term with me.) So, with these two photos, they’re alright, I guess, but they should just be so much better. Sure, there wasn’t much working for me here (for the tech fans, ISO3200 f1.2 25th of a second) but as a former boss of mine once said to me after I gave him an excuse for why I screwed something up, and said more eloquently than I, “There’s always an excuse, I want people who don’t need an excuse.” Also known as, there is always a reason you can’t do something right, so just find a way to do it right. So, no excuses, these should be better.

Yeah, and maybe I’m not being fair to me, but I wonder how much of that never being happy makes me get better each year.

(and yeah, a psychiatrist would have a field day with me. Such is life.)

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