Maybe I’ve given up on meaning in life. There isn’t any. Sorry. Get over it.
Maybe life is just too tough some days. Maybe I’m tired of bad shit happening to good people.
Maybe I want goodness for my friends. Though I should say, there are people out there willing to offer it. To them, you are amazing, please don’t ever stop. You have no idea what you, what you few mean to me.
Maybe I just have given up on trying to be decent, not even good, but decent meaning anything to anyone but myself.
Maybe I, and really, this is all about me, it’s my blog, what else were you expecting it to be about? Maybe I need remember to give without expectation of a return. Give with only the joy of giving as it’s only reward. Maybe, just maybe, this is the most cynical of attitudes.
You know what? I’m a weak man. I’m sorry. I am. Think less of me if you wish. It’s probably fair. There are a lot of things I can’t do, I can’t do as a man, I can’t do as a human, I just can’t do. I’m not strong enough. I wish I was. At some point, I don’t know where, we are all just…not strong enough, we are broken.
Maybe this makes me less of a man. I’m sure some think so. Frankly, I pity them. Don’t get me wrong, I want to be more than I am. I’m capable of being so much more. It hurts me, it hurts me, that I’m not more, I have the potential, I know I do, but I don’t, I can’t, and I don’t know why. But somewhere, somehow, I am what I am, and that, that right there, is enough, maybe, just maybe, it’s even downright good.
Maybe, just maybe, that means I’m good enough.