An Ode to Failure
Okay, “Ode” is a little overblown, and failure is only in my mind probably. With those stipulations….
(This all revolves around the image at left of the dancer “flying”.)
I can’t find the quote unfortunately, even after much looking, but some well known photographer once made a comment about how it was better to have an interesting failure for an image, or when making an image, than a predictable success. Basically, screw-up, but take something cool away from your screw-up.
So, in this case, I ended up in theater much larger than I had been expecting to photograph Aloft Aerial Dance. (I’d love to desribe what they do, but I don’t know how. It’s all up high. It’s very cool to see. Very pretty, but that statement fails in terms of depth. Anyhow, see some aerial dance if you get a chance. Good stuff.) Back to photography…Actually not a theater but a church, no pews, (whew) but comfy seating, with 2 balconies, for 8000 (at least that’s what I think he said, at least 4000 otherwise.)
Fine, my life is about the unexpected, I like that. I worked with what I had, shot what I could, how I could, tried to make it work. Now, the other problem here, is that with a stage for a room that size, I really don’t have the glass I’d want for it. Again, make it work.
The bigger problem is I didn’t know the performance, I had never seen it before. I didn’t know where to be when, what was coming. See, I don’t care what has just happened unless it illuminates what is going to happen. The past is gone. I can’t make a photo of it. I need to know what is next so I can make a photo of that. With a stage that large, that means having to move, maybe 50 yards or more to get into position. This means planning, which I couldn’t do. Nature of the beast in this case. C’est la vie. I’m better prepared for next year.
So, take some chances and find a way to make it work. This is what I get paid for after all (though this was actually another of my happily pro-bono jobs. They are so much better.) I’m not a 100% on the “flying” photo, not even close. Given the choice, I want face, I always want face, this has been drilled into me for years, to my detriment. No face, I just don’t normally plan for someone to fly 30, maybe 40 feet over the audience. My bad. So, shoot from behind, the focus is a little off (ankles are in focus, the rear foot is just a hair out, we’re talking maybe a few hundredths of a second to traverse that distance, but I still want the rear foot in focus.)
The exposure is okay, background generally works. As a failure, I like it. It has some interesting ideas. I want to re-crop it to give a little more on the bottom now that I’ve had a day with it. I can play with the idea again in the future, better.
Maybe that’s what I like about failures though, “better in the future”. Success closes off the future to some degree. Been there, done that, next. I like that I can re-examine, learn and improve. Yeah, anyone can do that all the time, but I like having a new idea to play with to improve. It’s like having a new toy.
Hence, an interesting failure it is, better than the safe “successes”.
Random Little Thought II
These are from Wednesday evening, a charming, and odd (odd is such a good word to me) little group, Aloft Aerial Dance.
The blue image is more technically accurate to the scene, but I just like the red one. She is more a more natural color, and I like the red. The red wasn’t really there, it was actually a normal/whitish colored light, but when you adjust the blue lights to look white, the other light goes red, way red. I like the red, but I’m not completely comfortable with it.
It also changes the mood, a lot. She’s an angel here, in the red image, she looks like an angel, kind of, but descending from the red light district. (no offense intended)
In the red one the grid is less strong, prominent, also, and I just don’t like the grid, I want the grid gone, gone, gone. Ah well.
I’m also quite happy she didn’t fall. It would have hurt like all hell for her, I’m sure, I’m also quite sure she knows how not to fall, but it also would’ve killed me as she probably would’ve landed on me. As ways to go, not the worst, but I still got a couple more years of stalling in hear. Just one of those things you think about after something is hanging a few stories above you by a cloth.
Anyhow, back to photo choices…which way to go….
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Also, I’ve decided, for about the third time, to add a new recurring theme…What I think about while “driving” on the Ike. (Yeah, this is going to be just over the top ridiculous, and I know it.)
Half of my job description is “sit in traffic” so I use this as contemplation time, usually about my life, it’s direction, things that need to change, etc.
Currently I’m wondering about the breadth of experience vs. the depth of experience. I think I have a great breadth of experience, but is that depriving me of, or is something depriving me of, a depth of experience, or am I just spending too much time sitting in traffic and contemplating bs. And what would define a “depth of experience”?
What You Wish For
I have a lovely little apartment. Well, I have a little apartment that I have lived in for about a decade now and has to deal with the destruction that is my life.
Anyhow…the floor of my apartment isn’t well insulated from the basement. So my floor is often a little cold, not a lot, but just a little, just enough that I’m a little cold much of the time. My wool socks get plenty of use. Hmmm…I see a trip to Campmor.com when I’m done with this post. So for the last few weeks, I keep thinking, “I just want to be warm, I just want to be warm.”
I should have termed that better. “I just want to be warm in my living room.” I was not planning on being in a 110-140 degree heat (amazing how much the temperature can change in a few feet) with a 100% or so humidity and 5-10 naked men. Ahh…bathhouses, such fun.
So a couple of problems here. It’s cold outside, it’s hot inside. I’m mostly outside, and dressed for such. This means I’m uncomfortable inside, at least when inside is 110 and up. I could wear a towel for the shoot, but I have equipment that must be kept on me, flashes, lens cleaning clothes, etc, so that means I keep the pants. Heavy pants and no shirt just looks silly, plus, I don’t really have time to change for the shoot as, is always the case it seems, this is very last minute and I haven’t had the time to devote to this shoot that it needs.
That raises another problem. When shooting swimming one of the recurring problems is that when you go into an 80 degree room from the cold, water condenses on everything, especially the glass. This means you can’t see, or shoot, squat for 10 minutes in some cases. In this case, it means the glass fogs up after 3 seconds, for the first 30 minutes. Wipe with lens cloth, shoot really quick, wipe, repeat ad infinitum.
Add to this, everything has to be shot from low, you know, like I’m looking up towels, because at a normal sitting height, it’s about a 100-110 degrees. At the same height as standing on a chair, it’s about 40 degrees warmer. Hmmm…things I forgot about bathhouses. (yeah, numbers change due to guessing and the fish being thissss big.)
Oh yeah, it was dark too, not the Leslie like black hole dark, but definitely dark. For the photographers amongst us, f2.8, iso 3200, 1/4 of a second. Fun.
It is an environment with a lot of potential, if I can create the time to spend there, and do it right. And if nothing else, the guys were plenty nice, understanding and accommodating of what I needed to do.
Suffice it to say, I was warm, plenty warm. Wasn’t quite the plan otherwise. It’s sort of like I have my own personal Genie, with that classic Genie sense of humor, and not in that “I Dream of Jeannie” kind of way. Bummer on that last part.
Random Little Thought
I’m not sure what to do with this image. It’s close, but I don’t know if it’s a hit. I like the blur, the color, the person in the background I’d rather be gone, but I can live with them, and I’ll bring them down a bit given some more time in post. But it just doesn’t come totally together, not yet, but it’s close, it’s got the pieces. Just bugs me. I’m not sure what to do, or if anything can be done. It’s one of those hits to right field that’s going to die in the corner and be a triple, but lands just foul, not even by inches. Damn.
I So Belong in Journalism
I suggested that I write a story about the Mitchell Elementary School Science Fair. This was also so I could lock the time into my schedule and be a judge, because on my list of “Dreams I’ve had since I was twelve” being a science fair judge was still not checked off.
So yesterday I went and did the judging. I grinned the whole way home. A grin the size of Jersey.
All I had to do was write the story.
Now, I started this blog, and continue this blog to help me develop a better writing style, something more, “Me”. And I think it’s helping in that goal. I think I also need to write more story style bits now.
Around 9pm or so I get started. I stall, I procasitnate, I watch a Star Trek Voyager, I watch Star Trek Deep Space Nine, I decide not to watch a movie, because that would be gratitious, I wander around the house looking at the photos on my walls instead having imagenary conversations, check Facebook about 30 times. About 3am I decide I need to sleep. I’ve transcribed some quotes from my tape recorder by this point, and written two sentences. The piece needs to be out around 8 or 9am. Set my alarm clock for 5:30am. In my world 2 hours of sleep is perfectly acceptable, and depressingly normal.
Get up at 6am. Check Facebook, you know, for all the stuff my 10 friends might have done between 3 and 6am. Read the newspaper, online of course. Check Facebook again, for all the things my 10 friends might have done between 6 and 7am. I’ve worked on writing the article at this point, a little here, a little there, but I can’t find the flow, the groove. Somewhere around 7:30, maybe 7:45am, I find the groove, write the whole thing in about 30 minutes. Edit the photos, and done. It’s not great, but not horrible, and hopefully my editor will bring it up to good.
Come on Tim, I’m counting on you.
Massive procrastination is really required to work in journalism. It always gets done, just barely.
Ambiguity vs. Specificity, in the Great Smackdown, Part I
Yep, I got some free time today, so more words. I may even have a third long post today, because if I’ve got free time, it’s only logical that you do also. (The images will have some caption info at the end for contextual purposes.)
So I’ve had this discussion in various forms over the last few weeks and months, and I’m sure I will continue to. My thoughts are not fully formed on this subject, so it’s a work in progress. If you’ve got some insight, great, please share.
I’m developing a greater problem with words as an expressive medium. This is somewhat humorous as this blog was originally created to help me develop a better written style, one with more of a voice, more of my voice. And I feel it’s doing that quite well thank you very much.
But I still don’t trust words.
Originally it was because words are too easy to lie with. You want to spread falsehoods, you just state them. But I don’t think that’s entirely it. I think it may that words are just inherently inaccurate, and of all the bs statements, inaccurate in their specificity.
Sure words are accurate for creating bridges, killing elephants, and pointing out how it’s your partner’s turn to do the dishes, though throwing a dish at them is a more fun second option. (FYI – I’m not the thrower, I’m the target. I dodge well, better than you’d think.)
And well those uses are very necessary, for expressing the human condition, the soul, emotions, words are sorely lacking.
I have an internal dialog, I suspect most of us do. My mind is in continuous conversation with me. Hmmm…how did I react to that? Why did I say that? Hold on, she did this, and this, and this, shit, she was flirting with me, why didn’t I notice, again? This is what happens when you spend large quantities of time in the car, or that’s what I’m going to tell myself.
But if I say, this person is my friend, I’m feeling happy, I want dinner, none of these statements get across the real feeling. This person may be my friend, yes, but I also admire them this much, respect them in this way this much, want to emulate them in this way, want to help them in this way, laugh with them and at them like this. The statement , “this is my friend” is so empty of context, of depth of the richness of my feelings.
Sometimes, just sometimes, someone will put into words a feeling, something you can touch, hold and know in your heart. Usually it’s in poetry or song, and in song there are so many additional layers I don’t know if it’s fair to call it the words, but I’ll use that example right now because I recently heard a lyric on one of my favorite songs that really gets to the point of a feeling.
Jeff Buckley (What? You don’t own any Jeff Buckley? What’s your problem Willis? Get Grace), from the song Lover, You Should Have Come Over, “my kingdom for a kiss upon her shoulder”. It’s one line amongst many beautiful lines in the song, and gets across that feeling of yearning, that soft simple act of love, so well. I have no doubt it works so well because Buckley’s voice is perfect for the feeling also. Some words are perfect, like Buckley’s in how I feel them, most are okay, many are total failures. C’est la vie.
By not using the words specifically though, by describing the act, the moment, the feeling is created better than by stating the feeling directly. Words provide too clear a road, too clean a road. The roads of emotions are unclean, cluttered, messy, wrought with the detritus of our histories. By stating what is meant, the statement is stale of life, by stating something else, it becomes alive.
I didn’t intend to argue that words had any emotive value, so I’m a bit confused at this point. Did I mention, “not a fully formed idea” yet?
The beauty of many of the arts, and this includes that line, is that well it reaches to us, the listener, the viewer, the consumer of the art, we have to reach to it also. We have to bring our life experiences to the art work. By bringing our own understanding, we make sure the “love” is not love, it’s love, it’s lust, it’s yearning, it’s pain, it’s loneliness, it’s the messiness that we are, that our lives are. The word itself, on it’s own, is sterile, our lives are anything but.
In the world of photography I send unclear messages all day. Their is no written, clearly defined lexicon of meanings. Sure, certain views imply certain things, there is actually a quite humorous, for me, and quite accurate analysis of sports jubilation and dejection photos which classifies almost all those images into about 4 or 5 categories. The runner with his arms stretched high, what does that mean? Besides boring, of course.
So yeah, there are some common tools, but not like in words, not an attempt to mean one thing for everybody. And it’s that ability to not mean one thing that the emotive impact is born from. I may take a photo that says attraction, but it may also have all those other little bits, lust and admiration, curiosity and desire, fear and loneliness, that make the attraction so much more nuanced and powerful than attraction.
Also the image comes without the loaded gun effect that words have. A word like attraction imposes a certain pressure on many parties. Yet feeling that feeling, doesn’t mean that pressure need exist, but the statement of it’s existence forces certain responses, responsibilities, on people.
I know for me the removal of that loaded gun allows greater freedom of expression. I can sit around all day and think about what I feel, welcome to what you do in the woods by yourself for 4 days, but the words I think in are never as clear and revealing as the image is. If I want to know how I feel, I think about it, but I also look for it. Before how I feel is clear in my head, it is clear in my images. My images are able to say what I am as of yet unwilling to say, unable to say, or too unaware to say. And when the statements are in that form, I’m comfortable with them, at peace, un-rushed, unhindered by their existence.
Reading the image is not that clean road map that the word is though. It takes some experience reading that road, hell, even looking for that road to be able to spot it, it’s not well marked, but it is there. It also takes confidence to look at the image, here the back of your head say, this feels like excitement, this feels sadness, this feels whatever, and then trust that feeling, that intuition. Trust that the feeling has a place, a reason for being, and a willingness to step out on the limb, take the shot as to the meaning, and maybe be wrong.
Reading art, whatever art form, takes effort. Just as it takes effort to create the work, it takes effort to read the feeling in the work.
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More lyrics to finish up, same song, though really, you should just listen to it.
Sometimes a man gets carried away, when he feels like he should be having his fun And much too blind to see the damage he’s done Sometimes a man must awake to find that really, he has no-one So I’ll wait for you… and I’ll burn Will I ever see your sweet return Oh will I ever learn Oh lover, you should’ve come over cause it’s not too late
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1st image – from July of 2002, the week I landed my job as a photojournalist. I was a little excited by life at that point.
2nd image – I needed to show the height, I hate heights, with a passion.
3rd image – from this summer, when I felt (and still do) happier, more alive, more free, more satisfied, more heavenly than I’ve felt in lot of years.
4th image – gets the idea across sure, well done for what it is, but the typical elements.
5th image – from the start of relationship, during that stage when it feels good, the other person is nothing short of incredible, and my heart just went pitter-patter. For more explanation see image 3.
Cooperation and My Decision
Sometimes in life it’s about working with people, and the bringing the skills and energy of both together create more. Sometimes, well, sometimes, it’s better to provide a person with a more limited set of choices.
These two scenarios are very different, but in someways, relate, so just trust me for a little bit here.
First there is Meagan. She is 10, and a nationally ranked wake boarder. I don’t ask certain questions, like “Why do they rank 10 year old female wake boarders?” I just nod and smile. So the photo request is basically, “cute kid photo”. Right.
Take a fair number of photos of her, I’m feeling okay, but not good, so I ask her if there is anything she’d like to do. She starts hamming it up, sometimes all tough, sometimes all modelly, whatever she felt like. I had just let hamster out of the cage and it was now tearing around the room. She had been kind of somber, serious, then she got all happy and was having a good ole’ time.
As I see it, she wanted to set her image, she wanted to create the view of her, rather than have, probably yet another adult do it for her. And it worked out all for the better. Some of the photos I know we won’t use, but we may choose one of her having more fun for the one image we do run. I hope so.
On the other side, and the identity here will be obscured so as hopefully nobody knows who I’m talking about, out of kindness, (though to be fair, I will happily have the discussion with the performer, but I believe it is between me and the performer), but I have a performer who I made some images of who needs further assistance in helping choose their imagery.
To be less vague, but still vague, I took a number of photos of a friend/performer as a favor. I then gave the performer some nice cleaned up images, and as is my normal, but sometimes bad, habit, I also gave them access to some of the outtakes. The reason I give performers access to the outtakes is in case what they are looking for, the image they are looking to craft of themselves isn’t represented in the images I like.
Usually this works at least okay. In this case, limits will be placed in the future. The photos the performer has chosen to use are images where the face is in total or near total black, washed out white, slightly out of focus, etc. There are some really nice, clean shots, moody, attention grabbing, etc. Those are the unused images.
I don’t get it. I’ve got some guesses, but they are only guesses as to what this performer was going for. Could be business issues, could be personal, could be combo, could be anything, I just disagree.
Yeah, these are currently only small web images, but I’m me, and I don’t care, and I demand the best all the time.
Oh well, maybe some further structure in the future will help. I’ll try that and see what happens. Alas, this performer is really quite good and I’d like to help this performer out. And will, even if I don’t agree, and don’t understand.
On a side note, I think I like the Cha-Cha. I got done with dance class tonight and was Cha-Chaing down the aisles of Jewel.
Additive vs. Subtractive
A few years back a friend at the time introduced me to an interesting way to view photography, and art in general, additive vs. subtractive.
The concept is simple of enough. In additive art you start with nothing, a blank canvas. From that point you build what you want, a dash of red here, a curve there, whatever. (My analogies will default to being painting related since the intial discussion involved painting, but not always, and it can apply to photo, dance, music, writing, whatever.) Elements are added to the image until the desired image is created.
In subtractive work you start with something, possibly everything, and then narrow down what you want into the final work. This type of work style is far less common. The best example I can think of, and the one I mostly practice, of course, is non-studio photography. You have an entire scene in front of you, but by removing elements, by cropping and cropping more, making all the necessary choices, the final image is created. It’s about subtracting elements until the desired image is created.
It’s simple enough. No big deal. But the thought process between the two is a world of difference.
Personally, subtractive is very easy for me. Throw a bunch of stuff in front of me, I’ll find what I think is the core of the subject quickly and create imagery to highlight that with no problem. I’ll use every tool in the book to get rid of all the junk that distracts from that core thought, idea, feeling.
Additive is still very challenging to me. I don’t see the range of possibilities of what can be brought into an image to make it stronger, if something needs to bee taken out I’ll usually see that mighty quick. (Hair, make-up and fashion are excluded items.) I know it’s a practice deal for me. I need to learn to think more conceptually. While I can certainly conceptualize while doing my subtractive work, it’s much more on the fly, and I tend to be better, to do better with pressure, at least at a certain level. In additive work the creation is less about the moment the piece is made, or the photo is made, and more about the process of getting there, the planning. (They never believe me in the office when I tell them that 90% of our studio work succeeds or fails in the planning process. Ah well, luckily I’m very well trained to work and think on the spot.)
A good example of this in my mind is that few musicians get on stage without crazy amounts of practice, the same for all performance. Paintings and drawings are often slightly changed throughout their creation, but that can be hours, days, weeks, months or years. There is plenty of planning time in there if you ask me.
Subtractive work tends to be less…forgiving? That word is wrong, but it gets the idea across. I don’t mean to imply that subtractive work is more challenging, it’s not, it’s just that once something is gone, it’s gone. With a photo, if the photo is taken without something in the frame, for the purposes of the photo, it probably didn’t need to exist at all. (Add that to my love of cutting off body parts and it gets kind of sick.) The other subtractive form I can most easily think of would be sculpting from a block of material, removing all the excess till you reveal the sculpture. If you accidentally remove part of the sculpture, ah, that’s a problem. Now, I know little about sculpture and I know there are some remedies, but you get the idea.
Sometimes I wonder if this concept is applicable to other art forms, writing, music, theater, whatever. I don’t know. I’d love to see it explored. It would probably fail, but I so love failures. Failures tend to be the most interesting successes (oohhh…one of those faux-wise statements that are actually complete BS.) But I think you get the idea. Failures are interesting to see because of what you can learn from them. I’m a fan of failing. (I better be some days, otherwise…just “ouch” otherwise.)
Other ideas to explore, the difference between performance and object art (see (or more accurately listen to) Joni Mitchell, on a live record talking about “Paint a Starry Night again man”, hilarious, in part because of it’s accuracy.) Performance once it’s done, can, and usually will be done again. Object, not so much, but sometimes.
Anyhow, that’s the start of an idea, and one I want to continue to explore.
Next in the world of strange art concepts that float through Josh’s head, how the written word should be distrusted, and maybe all words, though the tone and body language that go along with words are quite useful, the words themselves, not so much. This is why I hate loud bars these days. I have to work to listen to words, which are so uninformative, and the useful info is below the actual words and I can barely get the words.
Done rambling.
Back to Reality?
I don’t know if back to reality is accurate, reality never really exists for me, but back to “the usual” probably is fair. School is back in session, that means back to kids doing school stuff, lots of sports (2 football games a week till I’m blue in the face), and everything back to inside soon enough.
A few years back I started this little project call Portfolio of the Month. I had realized my entire portfolio was from my late teens and early twenties, this was when I was in my late twenties. Let’s just put that in the “unacceptable” category. This project, POM, was/is a chance for me to build my portfolio on an ongoing basis.
I don’t really know if it works for that. I just don’t give that much of damn about my portfolio these days. It does provide a handy mechanism for some much needed self-examination though. I’d argue most people need more self-examination. Journalists are probably even worse. Yesterday doesn’t matter, only tomorrow’s papers matter. POM is a handy way for me to look at what I do, and try to learn something from it, something about being a better photographer, and something about being a better me…hopefully.
Anyhow, this tangent once had a point, which was that this project showed me that I shot a lot more images I like in summer than winter. July and August are my best months. February and March are my worst. I’ve decided it’s all about that outdoor light versus the constant florescents.
Basically this bums me a little. Oh well. I did get speakers, the first every speakers I’ve bought, unless you want to count a boombox I bought a decade or so ago. Music sounds so much better on them then off of my laptop’s speakers. Who would’ve guessed?
Shoot it Right to Start with
So I am doing a project for a very wonderful dance studio, Danza Viva (salsa Rocks!). The project involves mixing images of dancers, not always in dance related poses, with spiritual symbols. And well it is coming along well, now I’m remembering why I like to shot to fit a design, because designing to fit an image is just time consuming.
I also just don’t like doing the computer work. Cropping, toning and other basic image adjustments, fine. Design work, it’s a lot of work. “Work” is a four letter word, so is “real”, I don’t do either. It’s also work I don’t normally do so I’m betting I’m slow, and I’m making mistakes. Straight photo work I can do quick and well.
Bit by bit it’s coming together. It will be done somewhat soon, on the other hand, it may be a bit longer.
The other problem with computer work is that there is always a flaw you can fix, and you can fix it, when you’re shooting, if there is a flaw you live with it and keep moving forward. You remember it, so you don’t do it again, but you don’t go back and fix every small thing, because you just can’t. “Hey, Miss Model, can you just hold that pose for the next 6 or 7 hours please? Thanks, I may also want you to move incredibly small amounts. Again, thanks.”
And I have weird problems. The image of Khazna (she’s the face), for example, I’m worried she may be too beautiful, as in intimidatingly beautiful. This is not one of those things I normally concern myself with.
The project is coming out nice though, just slower than I’m used to. And if I was to do it again, I’d do about 25 things differently. Ah well, live and learn.
And on a side note, Jeff Buckley, “Grace”, and absolutely awesome CD. If you haven’t checked it out, what’s wrong with you?
Summer Love II
I have a lot to say, a lot to say for just one week, and it’s a little more personal than most posts.
As is so often the case with anything new, especially anything new and so exciting, I can’t stop thinking about this. I mean I can do things, I can live life, but I think about this project for hours a day. I talk to people about it, I work on it. I am head over heals for it. It has gotten to the part though where now I have to start dealing with the reality of it all. It really is so much like dating, or so much of what I know and imagine dating to be. (if you know me you know what a strange world women are for me, so you understand, if not, suffice it to say, women are a strange world.)
The second date with this project, her, was both a failure and success, a successful failure? (I love Apollo 13 references.) A failure in that I don’t feel like I got any usable images out of the time I spent with her. A success in that I learned about her. At this point the learning is worth so much more than an image. The exploration of her quirks and needs was worth the time. So failure is perhaps both harsh and inaccurate, but I can be both some days, including today apparently.
The third time with her went well. I learned more yet, got yet more ideas, grew into my understanding of her more, plus I got some nice images out of the deal. I don’t know how many I’ll keep when all is said and done, but I got some. She needs sun, absolutely has to have sun, it’s a key to her happiness.
The thinking about her has been some of the most interesting stuff of the last week. I’m a journalist, a photojournalist, but a journalist, my reporting isn’t about me, but this isn’t quite reporting either. It’s something else. It’s more art project. I’m fine with this, it also creates some differences, some important differences for me. Pure reporting projects I get involved in, involved in emotionally, I care about them. I don’t understand how anyone could do a project and not care about it. I don’t think it happens, I hope it doesn’t happen.
The difference with a project like this is the point of origin, I think that’s the right term. With a reporting project the genesis is the world around us. This project the world around me is part of the project, but not the genesis point. The genesis point is me. This project is about freedom, faith, chances, leaping off the ledge, the soft catch, fear, comfort, embrace, a loss of control, and a belief that it will all turn out well. It’s a host of things.
The fear of stepping up to that ledge, and taking that step that should, in your primal brain, kill you, or at least hurt you. The knowledge that jumping two or three stories down won’t kill you, that it won’t hurt you. The belief that this is true, despite all the instinctual knowledge that it’s not, and having the faith to follow that belief, and come out the other side unscathed. The freedom of summer to take these kinds of chances. There is something about summer that leads people, at least me, to take chances I wouldn’t normally take. Maybe it’s that Midwest finally leaving the house thing, I don’t know, but the world, and all the opportunities open during summer. (The summer fling seems to be the greatest example of this thought process.)
This project is all those things, but ultimately it’s about me. It’s my attempt to express my feeling of these emotions. If I didn’t feel all of these emotions, I wouldn’t be able to do this project, to create this imagery. I don’t know why I wouldn’t be able to, but I know that when it comes to conceptual projects like this, it’s vital that I feel what I say. Maybe I just wouldn’t have the interest to say it otherwise, maybe I wouldn’t take the chance that’s necessary. I don’t enterily know, other than to know that I must feel what I say. I also know that this project isn’t for me, it’s for the world at large to see, so I must say these things in a way that the rest of the world will read, will understand, and hopefully feel. That just scares me. Maybe it’s just me, but I doubt it, but I fear no one will understand what these images say, but I think some people will understand, and I want to say it to them. Maybe it’s the way I’m most comfortable saying it to myself.
I know why I need to say it now also. It’s funny, when I was explaining the project to my friend rat bastard (sorry can’t name him, so I got to razz him) he came to roughly the same conclusion I had come to before I said it. This is my recovery piece.
I feel this way, now, because I didn’t feel this way for so many years before this. For me there seems to typically be a recovery project from a tough emotional period (let’s be clear, this involved a woman, shocking, I know). Previous emotional events went similarly, many a year ago it was photo project which I’m still very proud of, but it was destructive piece, because I was in that place. I’ll call the next project a performance art piece, between returning to college, again, and my behavior, that seems about right. And now, this time, it’s about freedom, and joy and happiness and release and faith in the world. It’s funny, because I knew I needed to have this piece. I could feel it in me, for the last year, I could feel it simmering. I made a couple of failed starts on projects that just didn’t work. And then this happened. I’m not sure why, or how, it just seems to work. It’s a mystery. (Shakespeare in Love reference) And this is so very different than what I would have expected, maybe I love it more for that.
I guess if I’m going to be in a place, to be in a place of happiness and exploration is a good place to be. I’m still driven, I’m still unsatisfied with myself, I believe I can be, and should be more and better, but that’s kind of the central to being me, and that’s fine.
But at the end of the day I want to discover the world anew, I’m comfortable being vulnerable (which is a strangely wonderful feeling) and I’m happy. And maybe those feelings, and the feelings surrounding them is what this piece is about. And maybe those simple feelings people will understand and hopefully they will give me the pleasure of sharing those feelings with them, even if I never know that they have shared those feelings.
P.S. Sorry for the length and if you got through all that let me know and I’ll buy you a drink next time I see you. Cheers.
Summer Love
The problem, the joy of creating, is that it is, at least for me, like falling love. You date around a lot, well at least it seems that what the world does, and it’s what I do with imagery for sure, then every once and a while, you meet that one. That one that sparks. That lights you up. You hope it lasts. You want to do nothing but consume it, drink in it, savor it, and be consumed by it. And there is always that fear that it won’t last. That it’s no deeper than what you first saw, and it’s just more of the same, but you hope, pray if you pray, that it has some depth, some staying power.
I know this series won’t last more than the summer. That’s probably good. I know I have to consume it all now. I know there will be an end, for better or worse. I know I have to work it for the little time I have. I doubt it will survive the winter, usually projects don’t survive an extended separation with me.
Hell, I get kept awake at night by this. I just want to make more and more. But I need to temper my time, my passion (tempering my passion has never been my greatest skill for sure) give it time to grow, get it right, not make a mess of it. Find a way to savor her right, treat her properly, the way this one, this particular one needs to be treated. They all have some needs in common, but they are all unique, and must be cared for differently, specially.
What a rambling mess it all is, this note.
My head is all jumbled and I love it.
Admiration and Inspiration and (slight) Apprehension
I was busy when I was a senior in high school. I was photo editor for our school newspaper, I was a foreman (or some similar title) for the theater departments properties section/group, I worked out daily (I miss that), I had an active social life, an active romantic life, on and on. It was a pretty good experience.
On the other hand I did not direct a feature length movie and have it debut at the age of 19, see Kris Rey-Talley above. I did not write, direct, and edit a feature length movie by the age of 18, see Matt Mitchener below.
It is, for me, an awe inspiring site. I hate hearing about all the things the youth of today have wrong with them (today’s youths have always been screw-ups, it’s the nature of youth and the nature of “old people” to say this crap). I love documenting and watching the amazing things the youth of today do. And the phrase “youth of today” probably isn’t a phrase I should use, I should find something better, something more fair, but I can’t think of anything right now, so I’m going with it.
Watching the success of these two, plus many of their friends, is a truly gratifying site, and something I admire. It also worries me a bit, to be quite honest. Maybe it’s just my nature, maybe it’s something of the people I’ve known, but I worry about talented people burning themselves out. Doing so much, so early, that later on they won’t have the energy to do more. In some ways it sounds silly, but I think it happens.
Is life a marathon or sprint, or a mix? Maybe that’s over the top philosophical BS, not to mention the middle ground always ends up winning these debates, but it will provide me fodder for thought while I drive around tonight.
To be fair to these two though, they’re both pretty smart and I’m sure they’ll end up doing just fine for themselves and it’s probably more a problem with the old man doing the writing here than it is with them. Sometimes in life though you just want to see the best for good people.
Anyhow, the cast and crew, to much well earned applause, mine included, debuted Love.Blood.Kryptonite. last Tuesday. For 40K dollars, and a largely high school crew and cast, it was an impressive feat. While, it was an impressive feat all around, more so because of age. (I should also mention that I did a story on the making of the movie about a year back, which was how I got to know them.)
It makes me want to go do more with my life. And at the end of the day, if you can inspire someone isn’t that a pretty good day?
Different Visions
At my “day job” we have an arrangement where the photographer shots, captions and then the designers adjust the images. The is fine and dandy, on occasion.
Usually when I shot I see through the whole process to and can envision the final image as I’m creating the image. So while I may be see this something in front of me, I can also see where I’m going to have to crop, adjust levels to get the appropriate contrast or adjust colors to get the white balance accurate to the scene.
The problem is that while I can see through this whole process the designers don’t. They weren’t there in the first place to see what’s important and know the background of an image. Their skills are variable, their time limited and hence their adjustments aren’t always what I’d like them to be. On top of that while they may adjust a few images a week, probably not more than 10, it takes hundreds to do it well, if you ask me.
That difference in experience is often the difference between seeing what’s in front of you, straight out of the camera, and what’s possible with some reasonably small, but important tweaking.
Many a year ago I did some work for a studio and some days I’d come in and just have to clean. 8 hours of cleaning, it was a real blast. It had to be done and I was getting paid. I would clean for hours, and the studio would still look horrible and dirty. Then at the end I’d sweep. As soon as I was done sweeping the studio looked great. Sometimes a photo would need to get rushed, I’d have to finish my cleaning before I was really done, so I’d just make sure to sweep real quick and get started on the new shoot. As long as I swept everything looked clean.
I learned a lot of good lessons at that job. One of them being that doing those last smaller steps are vital to making the larger job shine.
Shafts
This is largely just to post, you’ve been warned.
Went to a display of drawings this evening for possible concepts for the Bloomingdale Trail. The Bloomingdale Trail is an old elevated rail line running through Chicago that is going to get turned into a bike and pedestrian path. It’ll be great when it happens. That’s years away and I want it today. Oh well.
Got the usual shots, life was fine, was chomping on some excellent chocolates they had. Probably shouldn’t have been, but the job has to have some perks.
Decided to stick around a bit to play with some shafts of light coming between some of the display panels. This was one of images from that. Probably won’t get used, but whatever. Made me feel good. Not because it’s a great photo, but because.
What else can you ask for out of a day?
Fashion Fitting
Abby Zupancic checks how the dress she designed fitsmodel Darci DiBuono during the final fitting
The show is an annual affair. The usual fair, student designers and student models put on two shows on the weekend of April 14th and 15th. There might be an interesting twist, but we’ll see if it develops. In the meantime I’ll be focusing on the seniors, the process, and the finishing phases of getting the show together before photographing the show itself.
The original request was for photos of the show, but why do that when I can get a little more involved and get some more interesting photos?
These images were from the final fitting. The designers had to put their outfits on the models that are going to wear them during the show and have them approved by faculty in charge of the show. She was offering recommendations for small changes while I was there, but everyone seemed scared enough of the process that I’m sure there were some major changes being made as well.
Julie Binggeli fits a part of her senior collection made from recycled sporting goods.
This shoot also presented what may be the most difficult part of the process. In any story the first shoot is always a little tougher because everyone has to get comfortable with each other and learn what to expect from each other. In this case this had to be done in a room full of women who were often changing. I have to say, the models did a good job of ignoring me, and I did what I had to do, be professional, and ignore them and take pictures of the work. Hopefully this boads well.
Next time for shooting is hopefully the designers tired and working on finishing up the last of their outfits.
Problems with Passion
As an artist, you have to be passionate about your art. Or at least I can’t see any way of doing your art and not being passionate about it. The two go hand in hand.
I’m also a strong believer that all things which are strengths are also weakness, it just depends on the situation and how you use a particular trait.
The problem here is that sometimes that passion for a work, the passion that existed when creating a work carries on long after the work is complete. This passion can lead to see with tinted glasses.
As an artist unfortunately you have to see your work as what it is sometimes. You have to divorce yourself from that passion that so motivated the creation of the image in the first place. It’s a challenge, or at least it’s a challenge for me. Ultimately I see an image and I remember the conversation I had with the person. I remember how I enjoyed their company and laughed with them and enjoyed an exchange of ideas. None of that matters if it doesn’t show in the picture, but for me, it always shows in the picture somewhat because I was there.
Unfortunately when you have a piece of art you really like, but the circumstances surronding it are painful, to work on the piece and display the piece you have to feel some of that pain each time you deal with the piece.
For me that’s true with my Bed Series. It’s a piece of art I’m pretty proud of, I really enjoy the images from it and the ideas behind it. It also came from a relationship that brought a lot of pain into my life. Happily I’m far enough out of that relationship to work on the piece without the remembered pain being all to bad, but it still has it’s pin pricks and probably always will. But the series of images, as with some of the other images from that relationship, are images I really enjoy and am happy I created. Pain and happiness walking a path together, maybe that should be the synopsis of that whole relationship?
I don’t know how other artists work on pieces that were strongly emotional for them. I just know for me, when I work an image, I feel a little bit of that orginal emotion, the good and the bad. I also know that I can handle that emotion, to a point, and use that emotion to make the work better.
And then at the end of the day I need to set that emotion aside, remember that those days are past days, and go on with today.
My passion has to be there to drive me to create the piece, and edit the piece, and show the piece, but sometimes it also needs to not be there to truly and evaluate the piece, to decide how to use the piece and how to improve it.
Suffice it to say, it’s all a big balancing act.
I’d be curious to hear how others handle this conundrum, let me know if you get the chance.
Because it was a good day
To be honest, this post is about nothing. I just had a good day, so I felt like throwing something up, but I’ll spin it a bit and make it about the opening of this new bridge.
This is a handy dandy (at least for me) new bridge crossing the Des Plaines River from Forest Park to Maywood. It extends the starting point of the Illinois Prairie Path.
Very importantly, to me, it also means that bicyclists don’t have to try to bike down Madison, a death defying experience some days, to get to the path.
For the photographers out there, may I humbly suggest, get out of your cars. Cars are wonderful, but not for seeing the world. And if you’re going to be a photographer you need to see the world, and get out of the room on wheels that is your car, at least sometimes.
At some point during the spring, I always like to do a few assignments on my bike. I find I can do spring shots better that way. I can see the smaller details, express the feeling of the season better, be more open to the experience of spring because I’m feeling it, because I’m in it.
It’s not practical, working on a bike. Who wants to have 10k in equipment on a bicycle? But if the equipment isn’t capturing the images, why own it at all?
Anyhow, enough subject matter. I had a good day. I like that.
More from the cutting room floor
The ongoing complaint of every photojournalist, every photo department, the paper never runs the photos they should run.
I can’t change this at my paper, at least not quickly. It doesn’t seem most photographers can change this at their papers. So we all end up with piles and files of photos that we, the photographers, think should have run, but never did.
So I’m now going to run them here, at least from time to time.
Having shot basketball for the last few months, you would think my editors would be tired of printing lay-up shots. Nope, not even close. In game that was about stiff defenses, hard fouling, rebounds and turnovers, not a single one of those images ran.
Oh well. At least I’ve got them, and they make me happy. At the end of the day what else can I ask for?
So just to provide some context for these images.
This was the lowest scoring championship game in Illinois AA Girls basketball history.
Turnovers we’re happening left and right, shots weren’t sinking very often. Elbows seemed very…let’s call it free, under the basket.
This was, as has been widely reported, a game based on defense.
Maybe these shots don’t show the victorious Fenwick Friars looking victorious, but they do show the game more as it was. Hard fought, and close till the very end.
This program was modified to fit the time available
Weaknesses are strengths, and strengths are weaknesses. The only difference between the two are how you choose to use the inherent qualities of something. One way makes a quality a strength, one situation makes it a strength, another situation or use makes it a weakness.
Audio slide shows, for the most part, have to be kept pretty short. People just don’t watch them for that long. Or at least that’s what I’m always told, and that’s what I do.
So the rough figure is that you have about 2 minutes of time to keep viewers attention on a website. This means my recent Chiditarod audio slide show had to hit about 2 minutes. This also means some real beauties of quotes got left out.
This includes the winning team captain talking about his various forms of sabotage; replacing race maps with fake race maps, shoving opponents into snow banks, various forms of bribery, taping opponents wheels so they wouldn’t roll and tying carts together. Also cut, a good 45 seconds of the judges bragging, outright bragging, about their bribes (transformers, head rubs, 3 shots, cupcakes, chocolates, you get the idea.) And after listing all this off, “It was pretty awesome.” I also had to lose a woman saying she was going to get the next round. I really wanted this to get the drinking end across, but alas it had to be surrendered to the time goods.
Ya gotta love competitions that encourage cheating.
On the other side of the coin being forced into a tight edit usually makes the piece better overall. It makes the final piece tighter, more focused, which tends to be a good thing. It tells a better story for it’s shortness.
Also check out the coverage by Matt Bigelow, good stuff (video also available through Methods Reporter). Always love seeing all the different views of the same event.