One of the joys of hiking in Nevada is that you never quite know what the hike you’re going on is going to look like. The top image is of Anniversary Narrows about 11 months ago. The bottom image is of Anniversary Narrows in the last few weeks.
The rain that’s come through town has added several feet of rock and ruble to the bottom of the canyon. It may be gone soon, it may not, Mother Nature will decide and we’ll see the results.
They say the best camera is the camera that you have. I tend to agree.
Lately, I’ve been just goofing off, a prime phrase for many things, with the camera most available to me. My camera phone. It’s fun, the images aren’t serious, they’re just for my own personal enjoyment.
Having said that, I do, of course, share them. I use tumblr to feed posts to my facebook fan page and my profile. So I’ve been using one of my tumblr pages, Mojave Photos, to feed images to my facebook profile, and I’ve been posting a lot of my goofing off, daily life images to it.
Some of the images are good, some aren’t, they’re just images from around life, and I enjoy it. I’ve actually stopped to doing Facebook status updates (mostly) and replaced them with photo status updates. Same idea as a status update, I just take a photo of my status instead of writing about it only.
It’s a fun game for me.
What else can you ask of any art form?
The following is entirely personal, and largely depressing, if you aren’t interested or up for either of those things, I’d suggest stopping now and reading a different post. Just want to make sure you know.
It’s been a year since Erin and I lost Beanie. We lost Beanie at 32-weeks of pregnancy. It was, it was nothing we could’ve changed. The problem that took Beanie from us was started before we even knew Erin was pregnant, and we knew before her period. It was ultimately just bad luck, very bad luck.
Having said that, it doesn’t change much, it doesn’t really change anything. I don’t know if I would change anything. We could’ve found out sooner, maybe it would’ve hurt less, maybe it would hurt less now, but I wouldn’t have had those blissful months. I’ve never had months that happy. I think I will in the future, but those were wonderful times, and I don’t think I’d take those away.
Time has, as time does, dulled the pain. I’m thankful for that.
Getting in the car and crying the whole time was just…it just was. The car is my thinking time, and for many months if I was alone in the car, I was crying. I think I can driver safer today, not crying.
But there is still pain. I’ve found a peace with pain. An embrace of it. Crying, today, in some ways, it doesn’t hurt. It feels honest. It hurts to talk about losing Beanie, every time it hurts, but that’s not “bad”. It just is. I enjoy talking about her actually, at least on occasion. I may cry while doing it, but it feels good to do it. It’s something I don’t think people get, but they just need to trust me here.
I do think about her. I think about her a lot. Not everyday, not for days on end on occasion, but I probably think about her more days than not. She’s my baby girl. How could I not?
I do wonder what she would’ve been like, as a child, as a teenager, as an adult, I wonder. I wonder, as is I think natural, about those lost potentials. I miss that I’ll never experience those with her. I would’ve liked too.
I’ll always wish I could’ve. And that’s good.
At the end of the day I’ve learned somethings, they may very well be of no use to anyone but me, but that never stopped me from sharing before. I’ve learned much purer versions of many emotions, namely love and fear.
I can’t say I know love like many parents know love, but I have an inkling of how little I know of love. I love many people in this world, and many experiences, and many things, and I know I know very little about that word. I just have a taste for how powerful it can be.
Maybe what I’ve learned more about, for better or worse, is fear. I think I can pretty comfortably say I understand fear. I’ve learned to understand fear in and out. With this current pregnancy, oh, for those who don’t know, Erin is 24 weeks pregnant, it’s good stuff. But with this pregnancy, Booger, I can feel the terror, shear terror. Slight pains, slight things that the perinatologist is keeping an eye, and he is very confident everything is dandy for us, but I live in fear. I’ve learned how randomly things can go wrong, horribly wrong, and I fear that moment, I fear that moment coming into existence. Logic be damned, it terrifies me.
I’ve never been a person to live in fear. I respect and listen to fear, it’s a good emotion, it’s an informative emotion, but it definitely has a much stronger pull in my life today. I’m not unusually scared of climbing a cliff, I’m not scared of a car getting to close, I’m terrified of anything that happens to Erin and Boog, a slip and fall, a strange pain, anything, anything different that isn’t easily and quickly definable as “normal”, anything that could be “a sign”. It’s an amazing, a powerful, feeling.
But for all this, let me again be very clear, I wouldn’t, even at the hardest of time, give up my time with Bean, as third hand as it may have been. (As a guy, what else can we do but feel a stomach a move? It is a wonderful feeling though.) I don’t want you to think, after the previous paragraphs that I’m worse off for the experience. I’m different for it, but I’m happy to have had it. She was my baby girl.
I just wish I could’ve had a lifetime with her. I never can, but I’d do almost anything too.
But it was what it was, and that can’t and couldn’t have been changed. That much I know. My job today, everyday, one of many actually, but the important one, is to, while honoring Beanie, to create a happy life for Boog to come into. I can’t do anything for Beanie but love and honor her memory, but for Boog, I can do a lot for Boog, and I’ll do whatever that is, whatever that must be, because I want Boog to have a great life.
And I can’t provide a lot, but damn if Boog ain’t going to at least have the love of it’s Papa. (Mama’s going to do the same I’m sure.) I’ll at least make sure of that Boog is well loved.
And I can’t think of anything I’d rather do in this life.
But I will also always miss my little Beanie. I love you girl. You did have that, you always will have that.
Later Addition, Erin, Mommy’s Post
This is Badwater, the lowest point in North America. As it’s in Death Valley, average temperature of extremely hot, it’s dry most of the time.
As with other dry lake beds, this one’s surface is mostly salt. The strange thing about walking across it though, at least for us Midwestern boys, is that in most ways, it’s just like walking across ice.
No, it’s not slippery, and as you can tell from the t-shirt Erin has on, it’s not cold, but it’s like ice. It’s got that coloring, the color of ice with a touch of snow on top of it. It’s got bubbles, not real bubbles, I think, I don’t quite know how to define them in two words, but those areas, largish areas where there’s a bubble and if you step on it, it breaks. It makes that sound that old ice makes, that slightly cracking sound with every step.
I found the whole time I walked across it, I was afraid I was going to fall into some freezing cold water and die, despite the 90 degree temps.
A very odd experience, but also very beautiful.
So as the last of these “official” Sundays, I offer up these two images of our Stella. Though somehow I’m betting we’re going to keep doing long walks with her every week. It really is one of the best ways I can think of to spend a day off.
I realize this is some sign they, the BLM, use for everything and place under the sun. At this point I’ve seen well over a hundred of them. As I said, the BLM uses them everywhere.
But I have to say, there is a humor in telling me not to use my hang glider in a slot canyon that literally isn’t much wider than my shoulders at several points. I’m going to say you hang glide down this canyon, you win.
You just win. Everything. You win.
Yeah, I’m a bad dog owner. We can just get over it now.
I always find it amusing when I go on hikes, and when I do Stella is almost always with me, and maybe Roxy and possibly “our” other dog Esther, and Erin also frequently if she’s available. I like going for hikes with Erin and/or the dogs. It seems to make them (okay, from here on out I’m just talking about the dogs, not Erin because that’s a whole other post) happy, they like to get out and they’re nice company.
Stella almost always gets to go. The two small dogs can’t always handle the heatt, or the cold, or the terrain if there is a lot of scrambling. Stella can and will do almost anything, and she just stays fairly nearby. No worries, no hassle, no fuss. Climbing up a 5 foot rock face, Stella has already done it before you get there, probably 3 different ways. She’s a great hiking dog and she loves it.
Now, legally, and I would never break the law of course, I’m supposed to have her leashed on all hikes within the state of Nevada. But really when it comes right down to it, if there ain’t a road nearby, what’s the point? It’s less work for me if she’s not, she’s happier, and she ain’t hurting anything (she does try to catch hares but that’s never going to happen because as fast as Stella is, the hares are easily twice her speed. Though she did go for some picnickers caviar on Xmas. Oops.)
Normally this isn’t much of an issue as we tend to hike out of the way areas, but sometimes our starting spots or an area we’re hiking has lots of tourists. These people tend to get a bit freaked. After all, this is a mean vicious pit bull off a leash. Ah well, they can just chill. Stella doesn’t get leashed unless absolutely necessary, and she does very well that way.
In the meantime, when we’re a mile or more from anywhere and there is a sign about leashing your dog, I’m just going to laugh, because really, that’s just ridiculous.
Not to mention, I usually don’t even have the leash with me or in the car, and I ain’t gonna stop walking for some silliness.
Senator Reid and Representative Titus,
I would like to start by saying that I highly support a healthcare bill being passed that is both fiscally responsible and effective at bringing health insurance to those who need it. I believe it has many benefits for this country and all of it’s citizens.
As representatives of the people of Nevada, and thank you for performing that often thankless job, you are both, ultimately, temporary or contract employees of the people of the State of Nevada. As all Representatives and Senators are for their respective states. Since you are not full-time employees, but temporary contract employees I don’t believe members of Congress should receive healthcare benefits through the federal government. This practice should be ended immediately. I would also suggest ending healthcare support for the staffs of representatives as they are also ultimately temporary employees, though I would like to see their current coverage float till 2012 so they have time to find suitable other coverage or jobs. I would like you both to support or introduce bills to bring an end to this practice.
The removal of such an unusual benefit, healthcare for temporary employees, could bring about several useful changes. First and foremost it’s fiscally responsible. It is a rarity indeed for temporary employees to ever get healthcare benefits. I’m sure there would still be plenty of people interested in taking the job without this extra fiscal burden being place on the federal budget.
Secondly in theory the government is “of the people, by the people, for the people,” but it can never truly be so unless the representatives of the people face similar problems as the rest of the people. As long as our representatives in Congress receive special perks it will never be part of the general citizenry at large but will instead occupy a special higher place, a place elite and superior to the people that the representatives claim to represent.
Thirdly for any reformed healthcare system to work, members of Congress are going to have experience it’s successes and failures and have a stake in it. If the only stake representatives have is fielding phone calls we will end up with the nightmare scenario that the Republicans have painted. We must all be stakeholders in whatever the new system is, or in the current system if it remains, from those citizens who buy into healthcare coverage on the open market to those who represent us in Congress.
I have appreciated both of your efforts in regards to healthcare reform, I thank you for that effort, and I hope you will support a bill to bring yourselves in as participants into the plan that you are creating for the rest of us.
Yeah, so things on this blog have changed a bit over the course of this year. First a little catch up then the current stuff.
In case ya need a quick refresher, this year I have, in order:
- Found out I knocked up the girlfriend
- Been laid-off
- Moved from Chicago to Las Vegas (the weather is so much better here)
- Enjoyed my Illinois unemployment insurance while job hunting
- Lost the baby (Bean) in the 32nd week of pregnancy
- Got a seasonal job
- Seasonal job seems to be turning into a regular, possibly even full-time job
Okay, it’s been a busy year. 2008 was a brutal year and 2009 was supposed to be a year I could recover in. I’m going to say that goes in the “fail” category in just about the ultimate way.
When it comes to my photography I am, admittedly, kind of emotionally checked out. I’m not prepared to work on heavy projects. I’m not prepared to deal with in-depth serious issues. I’m just enjoying composition, light, texture, all that stuff. I’m enjoying making pretty pictures and not necessarily story-telling images. I want to do that, I want to do that again, I don’t want to do that today. Today I just want peace and to enjoy the beauty of the world.
So for the last couple of months I’ve been working in Vegas for a company that does most of the school and yearbook photography in town. It’s wasn’t the perfect job, it was a job.
After doing it for a few weeks I discovered something interesting, it actually wasn’t bad, it was pretty decent. It’s not as creative as what I had been doing, but it’s got a few advantages: it’s pretty easy for me to do, it’s a job where my skill set is useful which means I can get the job, I’m challenged in different ways than I have been before, I get to do some stuff of the other stuff they do which is more fun, and it’s in a field that isn’t evaporating like water on an August day in Las Vegas (which let me tell you, you may think is fast, but is actually even faster.)
So the work I’m doing ain’t perfect, nor am I millionaire yet (damn you grocery store slot machines!) but I’m working, I’m making money, I’m enjoying myself, I’m learning some new skills, and I’m working with some pretty nice people, which is a pretty strong selling point.
One of the downsides of my current job is that I can’t use any of those images on my blog or website. So while many weeks I may out at many football games, and volleyball games, soon basketball and wrestling. I can’t post any of them. Any of the other stuff I shoot for the Job I can’t post also.
So that means whereas this blog was previously a large number of my work photos with other various personal photos and freelance photos and whatever else, that large blog of work photos are gone, I’m building new contacts and freelance clients in Vegas but that takes time so for now it’s all photos I create in my free time, at least for a while.
Now, to be fair, I still enjoy doing my oddball stuff and meeting the oddball people, but it’s a slower process to have that happen at this point. There will still be those images, just not as many. Obviously.
Also, on lark I started publishing a new image everyday. I did it for fun. I’m enjoying it, so I’m going to try and continue it. If nothing else it pushes me to keep shooting for me, whatever that may be, I have to do it. That’s a good exercise I’ve recommended to many people, shoot and keep shooting, and now it’s my turn, again, to take my own medicine.
So originally when I saw this I thought it looked like a small fuzzy Beavertail Cactus. I thought that was just a funny phrase.
In actuality it’s an Old Man Cactus, I think, and that name is not as funny. I’m trying to learn all the vegetation out here, at least a little, and it’s going to take a while.
Also everything I thought was Beavertail Cactus is a member of the Pricklypear Cactus family. More to learn.
Yeah, this post is two months later, and for good reason. I haven’t been talking about it much, not publicly at least, lots in private, but not publicly. It’s hard, still is, probably always will be.
As many of you know, either vaguely or specificly, my girlfriend Erin was due with our child, affectionately nick named Bean while in the womb, on Sept. 5th 2009.
I don’t feel like recounting the details. Sorry. Just don’t. Suffice it to say on the 5th of July a developmental problem was discovered that showed that Bean would be unable to survive outside the womb. There were complications endangering Erin’s health at this point and with the doctor’s counsel and consent labor was induced over the next several days.
On the morning of July 7th Beanie was still born.
I want Beanie to now, today, that I love her very much. I always will. I will always miss her. She brought a joy to my life I’ve never known and her loss has been huge to me, to us. I would never give up that time I had with her. Thank you Beanie.
The following is what I wrote to her on that day an some photos of her:
Bean, 7/7/09 – 9:46am
Beanie, we love you.
We loved you from the moment we found out you were inside Erin and we will love you to the day we die. You brought a joy and happiness to our lives that neither of us had ever experienced. We are sorry your time with us was so short, but we are so thankful and grateful for that time we got. You are a part of us, you are a part of our family, you always will be. We will never forget you. We will never stop loving you.
Thank you for sharing your life with us.
You will always be my sweet little girl.
“I like your nature shots a lot it’s a new side to you, but it nice to see some people again.” – Kathy
I’ve been thinking about this as well for a while. Ultimately I think it comes down to my photography changes as my life changes.
In Chicago I did do work like this, just not much, and for a simple reason, it wasn’t an available option. Today I can drive 15 minutes and be in Red Rock Canyon. I can drive 30 minutes and be on Mt. Charleston. In Chicago this wasn’t possible, and I’m enjoying having the option available for the first time in my life and taking advantage of it.
I am, trust me, working to go back to more people photography also. I miss it. A lot. It’s just going to take a some time. In Chicago I had a pretty broad and varied network of friends and contacts. I knew what was happening, when and where, and if I didn’t already know I knew how to find out. I had build that knowledge base, acquired those resources, and met those people over 20 years.
I’ve been in my new home for 6 months. I want to have those options available to me again, and I will, I just don’t yet. I’m working on finding all the whacky and fun in Vegas, but I’m looking for more off-the-strip stuff. That’s just more interesting to me at this point. I will it more and more, but it’s an area that I’m definitely working on growing.
And my photography is, in the end, from wherever I am. These days, I’m outside, usually taking hikes. I’m rather enjoying it, as it’s been a long time since I’ve been able to. But as my activities change, so will the imagery.
Ever since the whole Michael Vick getting signed thing has happened I’ve been thinking about how I felt about it, what if anything I could personally do about it. Ultimately this came down to me needing to draw line as to how I would respond to people who prey on those who can’t defend themselves, kids and animals being the two most immediate categories. This is about the NFL, but it’s about my life, and a line I’m comfortable with for me. This has been longer in coming than I realized initially, but it’s been building and Michael Vick was the straw that broke the camel’s back.
I am no longer supporting or through intermediaries supporting, or by lack of action supporting or being polite or civil to those who prey on the defenseless.
This means that in regards to football I will no longer be watching the NFL. I can find something else to do on a Sunday besides provide a higher viewer number to NFL advertisers, and through such allow the NFL to make more money from the networks eventually.
I decided to apply this to the whole NFL as the NFL Code of Conduct in my opinion should find that those who prey on and/or torture the defenseless is an act so heinious as to bring about a lifetime ban. I applied this to the whole NFL as ulimately the NFL has to decide and enforce that it’s players have to maintain a minimum level of moral behavior or risk losing fans. Only by acting against the whole NFL can the actions of individual players be held to account, and only through the action of the whole NFL will players realize they have to act at least minimal humanity. There will always be teams willing to pay lots of money for player regardless of how abhorrent a person they may be just because they have superior muscle memory.
Now, mind you, I’m not against second chances. I am for them. Michael Vick’s second chance is that he can walk down the street again. That he can sleep in a room without bars. I don’t believe that his right to a second chance is equal to the privelge of earning 1.6m and up to 5m dollars. His second chance is that he’s not waking up in jail. For more than that, he has to earn it. Or he should have to.
Serving hard time is not equivalent to changing your behavior, it’s not equal to changing your views on what is right and what is wrong. Serving hard time is what you have to do, at the point of a gun.
To get respect, to get good opportunities, reformed predators should need to earn them. This should mean years of behaving better, years of trying to improve the world, years of working to make-up, at least in part, for the pain they inflicted. And it shouldn’t be done for anyone, it should be done because the person believes they need to do it, for themselves, even when no one is watching.
Ulimately this change needs to happen because the person wants to be a better person, a good person. Then, then the person deserves, has earned respect. Has earned the chance to try for a great life. And I give a lot of respect to those who have changed their ways, it’s an incredible sight, that I’ve seen repeatedly. It’s awe inspiring.
To give this away because the convict did their time is, because the convict can bring in the dollars, is in the end, amoral and reprehensible. Any organization that sees so little value in such a basic sense of morality I don’t want to get my time, attention and certainly not my money.
At some point, and for me this is the point, each of us has to find a line where we say that a company’s behavior is so bad that we can’t and won’t buy from them even at our own determinant because the larger determinant on society of that company’s behavior outweighs it’s positives. As a society we need to decide that their are lines that shouldn’t be crossed, lines that are too far. This is also true for individuals.
Maybe I’ll take that time on Sunday to go walk my pit bull, Stella. She deserves that time, she’s earned that time through her giving of attention, affection and love unto me and those I love.
This is totally unrelated to anything I normally do.
Michael Vick today was signed by the Philadelphia Eagles. He has, in theory at least, paid his debt to society. He in no way should be playing football professionally, ever, anywhere, much less in the NFL. This is an act that brings shame on The Eagles, Philadelphia, and the NFL. If you are a fan of the Eagles, I am sorry for you. Your team has shown the lowest of character.
There have been many NFL players of questionable moral character over the years, but the Eagles have decided that a man who tortures wonderful, loving, kind dogs should be held up as an example. A man who tortured these dogs, not for money, which is disgusting enough, but for fun and ego. The NFL has only encouraged the torture of more pups by showing the lack of consequences that such inhumanity can have.
Please let the Eagles know your feelings via their contact form.
This is my pit, Stella. She is sweet and kind and loving. And she, as she likes to do while I’m at my computer, is asleep at my feet.
She was found abandoned in the desert. One theory is that she was left there to die because she didn’t have the viciousness needed for fighting. Erin rescued her from the pound.
I’m very happy she’s here tonight.
Olivia is very proud of and loves her baby chicken very much. She made sure to show it to, and pass it around to all of us, us being Erin, Damien (in the background) and myself.
The three of us had gone to this location to see the landscaping, done in a style known as permaculture. The idea behind it is to capture the water, hold the water and use the water that comes onto the landscape and not to shuffle it off to a gutter as quickly as possible. The water is used to grow all kinds of plants, lots of them being fruit bearing and the like so that fresh food is available in the backyard.
The underlying idea is to create a connection to your immediate environment well also making it more sustainable. The other sneaky part of this was how it creates community. See, we weren’t there to visit Olivia’s backyard, we were there to visit a neighbor and family friend’s backyard, but the families had torn down the fence between their yards. It was one giant garden, one giant green space, one giant communal area. So while we talked to Erik, his neighbor’s daughter Olivia started to talking to us, and we got to know more of the community than just Erik. All in a backyard.
So…some of you may be wondering, what’s up? It’s a somewhat short, but fairly intense story, it also goes better after a drink or two or forty-eight.
About 2 weeks was my last day at the company I had been at for the past 7 years. I was laid-off. Don’t feel bad, it’s a good thing. As several people have already noted to me, I had been sounding done with that place for over a year. I was. Time to move on.
The timing actually worked out fairly well. (If you haven’t started drinking here, and don’t know what I’m about to say, start drinking, it helps, trust me.) I’ve upped and moved to Vegas to live with my 4 month pregnant gal. Yep, I live in the Southwest now and have a kid on the way. Life is…interesting.
I’m still figuring out many things, like what my job is going to be as my industry is in the toliet. I don’t know a lot of things which are coming to me and my life. I do know I’m excited to for my future, far more excited than I have been in a long time. There are a lot of challenges ahead, no doubt, but I think they can all be solved, I just don’t know how yet.
As for my photography…I don’t know if I’ll be working in the photojournalism field anymore. I may be, I may not. Ultimately I want to be sure my bills are paid and my family is taken care of first. I couldn’t even take care of myself by the end of that old job. I will be taking photos, I don’t know of what, I don’t know when, I don’t know how, I just know I will. It’s my nature. I do know that by the end of my old job the images I was making weren’t the images I wanted to be making, the images that I wanted to be making were all being done on the side for me. With that in mind, I’m going to be able to keep making those images I want to make because I’ll make that happen.
So, a few photos, one of what I saw on December 27th, along with the confirmation tests.
A picture of where I live, I promise it’s in there and it’s taken from the mountain in the backyard.
And part of my new family, Esther (Erin’s mom’s dog), Motley and Stella. And the last photo is Roxy. They all like to sleep in my office while I work.
I wish I could remember the number of times a photojournalist has told me to not focus on shooting for the office, for the paper and instead shoot what I want to shoot. I’m okay at this, not great, but okay.
So recently I acquired a phone with a camera and text messaging (my previous phone I bought around 99′ and at that point was fancy because it was digital. This new phone will hereafter be referred to as the “iWife”.) This has resulted in me texting all day long. It’s like swapping notes in class.
Somehow in the mix of all this I got to talking to a friend who lives in the desert these days about fall colors, and started sending photos taken with my iWife of fall colors, and now other random things, mostly with greenery. Reminders of leaves.
The funny thing is about this, I tend to like more of the photos I take with my iWife than with my other cameras. There is something about doing it for someone, doing it for fun, doing it for myself which makes it more rewarding.
At first when I made those images I didn’t put much work into them, point the iWife and push the button. As I’ve done it more I’ve started putting more effort into the images, why make a crappy image when I don’t have to? Why isn’t this photo for a friend as important as any other photo? Why isn’t it more important?
It’s fun. It’s really out of my norm. It’s not the kind of camera I like. It doesn’t give me the control I like. No shutter speed, no ISO, no white balance, no place for me to decide, for me to decide anything and while that encourages laziness, there is no reason I need to be lazy about the images. No room to crop later. Just shoot it, and send it right from the phone. Imperfect everytime and the better for it.
Now, mind you, the photos don’t have to fit a story or purpose like my stuff for the paper so they tend to be more “pretty pictures”. They tend to be images that will mean something to me and my friend, nothing more, but in that, I think they mean more than a lot of the other images I make.
Kind of sad that all my work can’t mean as much, but I’m proud that some of it does.
I’ve been to this event, I think, 9 out of the last 10 years. Regardless of the exact number, it’s a lot.
On one hand there is the sheer repetition of shooting the same things, year after year after year after year. In all likelihood you just end up with small variations on the same images year after year.
On the other hand there is a kind of lazy comfort, you can get your job done easily and quickly, and there is an opportunity from that to try some new things because once you’re covered, why not ?
I got to set-up the strobes more often. It just helps out so much sometimes. (I’m not saying it’s a good photo, it is a business portrait after all, just that it would be so much worse without the additional lighting.)
Some things in this world defy descripition, especially easy descripition. There are more things I want to say here than I know how to say, or even put into words. Hell, I don’t think I can take a picture that can even start to describe my thoughts and feelings, much less encompass them.
At the end of the day, “I don’t know” is a great statement, especially when you know it’s all good. And you know what? I know it’s all good, at least in this part of life, it’s all good, so good. And it makes me happy, peaceful.